babbling

I feel like no one really knows each other anymore.

We know what people post on their social media, but nothing deeper than that.

We don’t know each other’s deepest desires, and the things that we’re struggling with.

Because you can’t post about that sort of thing on social media.

Oh no, if you post something longer than 140 characters, you can be sure no one will read it.

I’m sick of the bullshit this world is trying to pull.

No one sees things for how they really are

No one sees at all

Except what you posted on Instagram that day

An endless cycle of meaningless shit

That ultimately affects no one

The next generation will not benefit from us

Because all we care about is what benefits us in the moment

Right now

Live in the moment

YOLO

Why shouldn’t I? NO regrets

I just feel

Like there has to be

Something

More

Than this

Out there

Some greater purpose

Better than just bettering ourselves

Philosophy class has ruined me

All I do is think now

And thinking is dangerous

Because then you start to notice

All the people who don’t think

And only act

Are we really human if we aren’t thinking?

Are we really human

Nothing satisfies

And you just end up feeling lonely

Even when you’re surrounded by people

Because they’re all alone

In their own little worlds

In a bubble

All needing therapy

The words, they escape from me

Too little practice in connecting my feelings and thoughts

To words

Think it through

Or don’t think at all

Because maybe ignorance really is bliss

But what is blissful

About ignoring the world around you

Ignoring your neighbor

But saving a stranger

I can’t escape the thought

That maybe this is all a test

And we’re all failing

I can’t end on that note, though

No, that’s not happy enough

Gotta keep up the act

Only highlight the good things

Happening in my life

I explore

I get straight A’s

I go to Bethel

And guess what else?

Since starting college

I’ve also started

Taking anti-depressants

And anti-anxiety

Don’t get me wrong

Bethel is awesome

But taking the time

To be alone with my own thoughts

Scares me

The what ifs

The whys

If anyone is still

Actually reading this

Then maybe there is hope

That people truly

Do want deeper relationships

And if that’s the case

Maybe we need

To stop being so afraid

Of reaching out to people

And sharing our struggles

Maybe the world

Would benefit

From a little technology fast

Instead of a new years

Resolution vowing

To eat less

Or exercise more

Stop calling me artsy

Stop calling me hipster

Stop labeling

And just let people be

Stop criticizing

I don’t really know

What this is turning into

Or why I’m writing this

I just feel

A feeling of relief

When turning thoughts to words

And feelings to thoughts

I just wish

I had someone

To share them with

I wish

I could write inspiring words

like I used to

but maybe

I will again,

later

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2 thoughts on “babbling

  1. Your musings were spot-on, Callie. They made me sad because there’s so much truth there. There is something you can do to make a difference–
    Matthew 5:13-16New International Version (NIV)

    Salt and Light
    13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

    14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
    YOU, Callie, go out there and make a difference! YOU, lead by example–you go out there and shine! People are watching you; especially if they know you’re a Christian (like Christ) I know what a difference it makes–before I became a Christian, I had one Christian friend that I would try to get to say a swear word–I wanted her to be like me so I could prove to myself that Christians were no different than anyone else and she remained steadfast in holding to Jesus and what His Word says. Because of that–I was born again and received the Holy Spirit. What we do matters. What we think matters. What we say matters. Who we are when no one is looking, matters.
    So, look neither to the right nor to the left but keep your focus completely on God and what He wants you to do. It’ll keep you from being bitter or jaded when no one else seems to care. If you care, The Lord can use that to bring people close to Him.
    You’re a smart woman, Callie–I remember you so well, when you were younger. What a heart you have! Guard it with all diligence! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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