looking

I looked all around me to see hands in the air, eyes closed, heads bowed.

I stood in chapel, looking around me, wondering why I was there. How I fit into this world.

Last year was different. Last year I tried to belong. But I finally stopped trying

And once that happened, I began to see how other people were trying, too

Trying to find the meaning in it all, trying to understand .

I sang along to some of the verses, skipping the ones that didn’t make sense to me anymore.

I got out of my row of friends to go sit on the side by myself. I wasn’t planning to stay for the speaker, just for the music. But I decided to wait, for some reason.

I finally walked out when the speaker mentioned how most of the people in the room were evangelicals. I couldn’t

I immediately felt a weight fly off of my shoulders the second I walked out. Relief. And sadness, that I felt relief at leaving a place I used to get relief from.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

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